Weeds

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Don’t pull me out.

I’m a part of you.

I’ll sit more silently, I promise.

I’ll be there by your side.

Just sitting there, calm and poised.

I’m not unwanted.

Just let me in once.

Please. I won’t hurt you.

I’m unlike the others.

I’ll only need some light.

And some water.

And slowly, I’ll become stronger.

I’ll be as equal and tall as you.

I’ll sway with you.

We could be best friends.

And slowly, I’ll grow taller than you.

But don’t worry, we are still equals and friends right?

I’ll just take some of your light.

Some of the water.

Don’t mind me.

And then, when you are a little smaller than me.

I’ll grow on you.

No light or water would be enough.

I’ll prey on your living.

I’ll be your death.

But hey, we’ll still be friends right?

I’ll always remember you.

And a little later,

Maybe, just maybe,

I’ll find a new friend.

Don’t feel bad, you’ll be holding me back.

Now, is that what friends do?

 

 

Sun’s Grace

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One of these days

When you walk down a road

Hand in hand with a new person

Making all those whimsical promises

You once showered me with

I want you to bask in your selfishness

And cruelty

And take a step back, literally.

And run back

Run back till the time you don’t find a mirror

And when you do,

Take a lasting, deep look

For as long as you can manage

As long as you stop admiring the way your hair look

And just when you do, look into your eyes

Which stare back at you intently

And ask yourself

How could you live all these years with yourself

When you made over a dozen people question their existence

How can you sleep at night

When you snatched away people’s will to dream

The endless nightmares that end in your name

This realisation won’t come in a day,

It will take you days and months or maybe years

To get past the atrocities you’ve put us,

Me through.

You’ve become a subject of poetry and prose for me

A person with whom I compare my agony with

When you are making a promise again

Holding hands, pretending to love and feel.

Have some grace for the ground you stand on

Let the wind jostle you up, let the rain wash over you

Like holy water on Satan.

May you soak in sun’s grace before it’s wrath burns you down.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Hiding Misfit

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Hiding behind, I muffle my tears.
Don’t want anyone to hear.
This is what I have been doing for my entire life.
Hiding. Escaping.
And I am not a criminal nor someone who’s been exiled.
I, am a misfit.
I feel alone but I don’t go out.
I want to speak but the words don’t come out.
I want to sing but don’t know where to be begin.
And I, let that sink in.

I take a walk down the road, spotting a bunch of people every day.
And as I come closer, they move away.
I want to go over and tell them about the pictures I draw.
How, when I see fire and rain, I am struck with awe.
I hear them laugh and cheer
As if they can sense my fear.
And I, let that sink in.
For I, am a misfit.

Answering in class makes me a geek,
Sneakers with a wrap around, makes me a freak.
Having tried it all, I am tired.
Maybe my teeth shouldn’t be wired.
Will there ever be a time.
Where I mean more than a dime?
Possibly in some life.

The moon is high up in the sky.
In all its glory, Oh my.
But he hides, just like me.
Do you understand what it’s like to be me.
You shine with all your beauty and flaws.
But then, hiding behind branches till the dawn.
Maybe, we are glorious as we are, in our own imperfections.
Still holding strong to all the world’s inspections.
Maybe we are misfits, and it has sunk in.

First Year At College

College. The word itself puts every student graduating school this year in far off wonderment. You can’t possibly contain your happiness thinking about college. No more standardized uniforms to put on (which makes everyone look pathetic anyway), no more 8 am-2 pm inescapable classes and the most important one, freedom. Freedom in college could mean different things to different people. For me it meant unlimited hours of outings with friends, discovering unlimited places, most importantly BUNKING. Any time you liked.Oh, what dreams I had of college at this very time a year back.

Yeah, they were really dreams actually, never fulfilled.

3rd August 2015. The first day I stepped into my college with much excitement. It was the Orientation day. I wasn’t afraid of being alone in the unknown crowd, I had friends from school accompanying me. What could be a better start to college! (Same course, same class if I may mention). I entered the college with all those hopes to see a big as life campus, the lush green fields I had always imagined myself sitting in when I was bunking classes. I saw nothing. There were no lush green fields. There was nothing I could call a “college campus”. It was just a building. Thinking I was only seeing a part of the college I went ahead. “The students don’t enter the college from the front gate.” Yeah. Entry from the back gate which was actually the canteen. All the expectations, or as I say “college goals” were turned into…. well, nothing.

By the time I made it to the orientation hall, I had been surprised a quite a lot of times by now. Small classrooms, not “hidden spots” to hangout. The Orientation Hall was full with students, giggling and judging everyone who entered the door on the basis of what they wore. (Guilty as charged, I did too). We were asked to wear formals, which only few people had decided to abide by. I was one of them.

The ceremony began, a presentation on our prestigious college was up first. Nobody did pay attention really and that’s how the whole ceremony passed in a blur. Little did I know that’s how the first year at college would pass too.

College started in the most amazingly imaginable way possible. Because, well, we bunked the first day, half a day really. But we did. And when you know your college is walking distance from Nehru Place‘s rajma chawal, you can’t sit in class then. Also your ready to bunk and explore places soul doesn’t let you say no. It’s said “How you spend the first day of a new year (which it was technically) decides how you spend the year ahead. Well that’s how the year went, bunking, eating, getting permission from parents to go out and in case not granted, heading out anyway :P. Another aspect of being a first year student or for that matter being a college student is, you’re always BROKE. No matter how generous your parents are about your monthly allowances, you’ll never know where the money went. The situation worsens when you have friends who’ve got cars, and your wanderlust soul cannot rest their asses on the college benches. And also, no damns given to the already low attendance. And if my any chance you are a person who can be easily persuaded, well, your parents will be soon on first name basis with your lectures.

In all the ranting I forgot about the most important piece of the puzzle that college is. Friends. The ones who will take you places which you wouldn’t have even heard of. The ones who’ll make you bunk classes for the movie you don’t want to watch. The ones who would make you laugh between lectures. The one who wouldn’t let you attend your classes, long story short, the ones who actually make college worth attending. (Even if you have a small campus :P). Mine are actual pieces of shit. But then how else would I’ve known that you can tour Yamuna Expressway and be back before 2 so your parents wouldn’t know. How else would I’ve known what a great show FRIENDS was.How else would would I’ve know that there’s no Karim’s in Chandni Chowk, it’s actually Jama Masjid. Kudos, to you bastards. And also I wouldn’t have known that college can somehow match up to the memories school gave you. There’ll be a lot of unpleasant shit you don’t want to come across.There’ll be fights, bitching, group-ism and all those things which school protected you from but it’ll be all worth it.

To all the bunkers sitting with me everyday and watching me laugh in the most ridiculous manner.

 

 

Now That School’s Over

Originally, I decided to start this blog only for the purpose of sharing my Short Story Series, The Darkdoors.

Since I have nothing better to do other than waiting for my last entrance exam, I decided to pen down a little rambling. And not only this, there’ll be many more. Give it a read if you are just as bored as I am. I hope you’ll like it.

There has to be a solution to every thing in the world, a problem without a defined solution, or jugaad as we know it, cannot exist. Well, most of us think that way. Not our fault you see. The kind of surroundings we Indians are born and brought up in, I don’t think we are the ones to blame. We can always blame our teachers, or parents, or traffic, or spilled lemonade.These days I am on spree to find jugaads to this problem called “let’s meet up now that school’s over”. I know school’s over and you have nothing better to do than whatsapp me how you have nothing to do and you expect me to be having nothing better to do too. Bhai aisa nahi hai.

So that annoying person who thinks that he’s your friend but in reality is just a bugger and won’t let you live in peace unless you “make a plan and go out roaming with him/her” because school’s over, fir kab milengey yaar don’t fear when your parents are here! Mummy Ne mana kar dia yaar simple. As stated by all websites worldwide, this one’s the national excuse of our country. This one sentence can stop a bugger of any level.

But make sure you don’t Instagram your day out pictures just the very next day. That can be injurious to health, not as much as smoking is, but nonetheless injurious. But this can’t work for too long. You have to come up with something else, something more realistic like… a wedding in your house! We as Indians, are blessed with countless relatives and those countless maamas and buajis always have countless annoying, rarely awesome kids. So someone is to get married someday. So why not now ! Get one of your bua’s or chacha’s beta/beti married. (Or we can always make up one, all the citizens of this country are my brothers and sisters.. remember ?)

And we all know how awesome Indian weddings are ( sarcasm intended). Anyone to everyone is busy and exhausted. So another excuse is at your disposal. Do some homework yourself, and let me know too. What? I am only human alright, I’ve given you the ones that work the best.

PS You can always switch off your phone. But that takes a lot of courage. Ohh wait…. *whatsapping*

Don’t forget to comment your personal excuses, spread the awareness my friend.