I’ll Hold You

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Why didn’t you come?

I said I’d wait for you.

No matter how long I had to,

But I would.

And I know for sure,

That if not days,

If not months,

You would come by years later 

But you would.

But, you stomped on my trust and faith in you.

In time and in love.

You showed me a dusty mirror.

Which was squeaky clean with a promise of fruitful longing.

Again,

My love,

I ask of you.

Every time I offer you my hand, 

My hand is a tree.

A tree,

With branches for fingers.

Fingers that are lush

And fragrant of care and love.

Bloom, will flowers.

Once they feel you warmth.

Grab onto any one of them

I’ll make it the highest branch.

The branch which takes you closer to the sun, 

To all the warmth it has to offer.

 

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Swim Or Sink

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Tonight,

I have a decision to make.

Rather decisions.

A decision to decide for myself.

For my unstable breathing, for my heartbeats.

Can I turn my back on all what happened?

I tried to.

Should I try harder? Like they all say?

But I did try the hardest.

My chest froze and ached every time I returned home,

Bullied, humiliated, teased, hurt.

I tried to swim.

The waters were trivial.

My feet barely dipped.

My arms hardly felt the wetness.

My neck rarely ever soaked.

But look now,

I drown.

I drown in those shallows.

Somehow,

I’ve matched up to the frivolity.

Or so I’ve been told.

I might still be able to emerge.

On the exterior.

But I’d like to sink now.

I’d like to know what everyone has known all along.

I’d like to know the depths

Which I’ve been told I lack.

I’d like to experience the stillness

I’ve been told I was born with.

I would like to hear the silences.

Which I’ve been aching for.

Maybe,

One of these days you’ll try to fathom what drowned me?

What was so inexorable that made me gave up swimming.

Was the water too cold?

Or was it you leading me into them?